How One Stranger’s Gesture Impacted the Lives of CHOC Families

They didn’t know each other. Their only connection was their teenaged children; one fighting a devastating cancer diagnosis.

Then came a letter. And food prepared with love. It was a kind, selfless gesture that inspired a special friendship and, in less than two years, more than 1,600 meals delivered to families at CHOC Children’s Hospital.

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Jody Masquefa became – in her own words – obsessed with thoughts of and concerns for 19-year-old Dillan Morris. A friend of her daughter, Dillan had been diagnosed with cancer. She had never met Dillan’s family, but found herself thinking of them often, especially his mom Pam. She wanted to help them in some way, but didn’t want to intrude.

Dillan on the beach before his cancer diagnosis.

Finally, she got the courage to send Pam a letter. “You don’t know who I am, but my daughter is your son’s friend,” she wrote. Jody included her phone number and encouraged Pam to call if the family needed anything. A week later, she received a text message. Brief text exchanges continued until the family accepted Jody’s offer to deliver a meal to them at CHOC.

“I still remember the moment I pulled into the hospital’s five-story parking structure. It hit me how full it was…how many other families had children who were ill or injured,” recalls Jody. That meal led to her first face-to-face encounter with Pam. Additional food deliveries followed. Even though she become more acquainted with the Morris family, Jody knew she was still very much a stranger in their personal journey.

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Sept. 21, 2015. The day the Morris family was forever changed. Their beloved son and brother Dillan, who they thought was suffering from a bad cold, was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia and acute lymphocytic leukemia. Just five percent of the population get both forms of the cancer. He was immediately admitted to the Hyundai Cancer Institute at CHOC for aggressive treatment.

Dillan’s mom Pam took a leave from work to stay by his side…each of the 105 days he remained in the hospital. She was there for the chemotherapy, the physical therapy sessions and procedures. There when they received news that his cancer wasn’t responding well to treatment. And there to watch her handsome and athletic son endure everything with strength and courage.

“He never complained. Never asked ‘why me.’ He had a great attitude through it all,” remembers Pam.

Naturally, her focus remained on Dillan. She couldn’t even turn her attention away to respond to a message from the mother of one of his friends. Her sister replied to the stranger on her behalf, sent updates and finally accepted an offer of dinner.

Pam met Jody for the first time in CHOC’s fifth floor family room, where Jody had dinner set up for the family. They talked for a long time. Texts and notes of encouragement followed, as did more meals.

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Dillan came home from the hospital on Jan. 5, 2016. Ten days later he died. Jody attended his memorial service and was touched to see a full church, including staff from CHOC. Clearly the young man left a lasting impact on so many.

Once again, Jody summoned her courage; this time to approach Kara Noskoff, one of the hospital’s child life specialists who spoke at the service. She had an idea, a way to pay tribute to Dillan and help other families. “Could I bring meals to families at CHOC?” she asked. Kara agreed to help coordinate the effort, knowing how many families could benefit from such a kind gesture. Jody had one more person to ask: Pam. She wanted to know just how involved Dillan’s mom would like to be.

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The first “Love Letters Food Box” was delivered to a family at CHOC on Feb. 2, 2016. The box, nondescript with exception of a small logo designed by Dillan’s friend, held a three-course meal, including beverages. It also contained a letter, unsigned. “This meal is a gift to you to let you know that some stranger out there knows you are here,” it starts. The letter continued with the story of the Morris’ encounter with a stranger, who was deeply impacted by their journey and by the realization that so many families at CHOC were on similar journeys. And that “a meal is often a way to show others that we care.”

love-letters-box-for-families-at-choc
Each Love Letters food box, nondescript with exception of this small logo designed by Dillan’s friend, holds a three-course meal, including beverages.

Since then, Jody and her volunteers, including Pam, have delivered more than 1,600 meals to CHOC. What began as a commitment to deliver one meal a week has grown to deliveries six days of the week. Pam’s delivery includes blankets, something her son treasured receiving from his friends.

“Jody and Pam are two amazing, caring and selfless women,” says Kara. “They are respectful of our families’ privacy, and wish to know only how many people to feed and any dietary restrictions. They are quiet heroes.”

love-letters-box-for-families-at-choc
Jody, Bob, Pam and Yves at CHOC Walk in the Park.

Jody and Pam’s support of CHOC includes participation in the 2016 and 2017 CHOC Walk in the Park. Their team, including their husbands Yves and Bob, most recently raised $14,000. During the walk, a mom recognized the Love Letters Food Box logo and raced to the group to express her appreciation for being a recipient of one of their deliveries. More families have approached Love Letters Food Box volunteers at the hospital, tearfully giving thanks for the generous and selfless gesture. One family was inspired to start delivering meals to a local hospital in their community.

Jody and Pam are humbled by the gratitude and by the opportunity to be there for others. Once strangers, the two are now close friends, making a big difference in the lives of families one letter and one meal at a time.

Jody and her husband own Yves’ Restaurant and Wine Bar in Anaheim Hills. Jody would like to grow the Love Letters Food Box program. Anyone interested in getting involved can email lovelettersfoodbox@gmail.com.

Discover other ways to support CHOC

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A Visitor’s Guide to the Hematology/Oncology Unit

Being hospitalized can be scary and stressful, no matter the age of the patient. A visitor can have the same emotions, especially if they are new to a hospital setting. What should I say? Is it ok if I cry? Should I bring them a gift? You will see all sorts of circumstances when you walk into a patient room in the hematology/oncology unit, whether you are visiting your own loved one, or meeting a friend that your loved one has made during treatment at CHOC. The child life specialists of The Cherese Mari Laulhere Child Life Department at CHOC Children’s offer the following advice to visitors coming to the hematology/oncology unit.

visiting a child with cancer

What to say:

Ask what shows they are watching, what’s their favorite movie, what they like to do when they’re at CHOC.

If the patient you are visiting is a classmate or friend and you usually see them regularly, it’s ok to tell them that you’ve missed them. Teen patients especially want to hear about what’s going on at school so they feel like they are still part of it. Sometimes it makes them feel sad that they are missing out on things, but ultimately it makes them feel like they haven’t been forgotten.

Ask the family what they need. You may be surprised by what they say, in some cases. Maybe the thing they need most right now is for you to babysit their other children so they can focus on their hospitalized child. Maybe they feel overwhelmed with gifts, but would appreciate if you went to their house and tidied up and did a load of laundry so they have one less thing to worry about.

Send an e-mail or a text message to let them know you are thinking about them. Patients and families often need space immediately following a diagnosis, but they don’t want to feel forgotten about. Offers to help often come mostly in the early days of treatment, and sometimes drop off after a few months. Let them know you haven’t forgotten about them. Families can feel bad saying no to visitors, so give them the option to say, “not right now.” Here are examples:

  • “I’m here for you and I’m ready to come at any moment. Please know I don’t want to overstep any boundaries, please tell me no if you do not feel up for a visit.”
  • “I’m open to talking about whatever you feel comfortable talking about. I’m here for you and am willing to just listen and be with you in this.”

It’s ok if you don’t know what to say. You may have never been the loved one of someone with cancer before. You can say something like:

  • “I don’t know what to say but I’m with you in this.”
  • “We’re going to do this together.”
  • “I can handle this with you. You shouldn’t have to carry this alone.”

It’s ok to say, “I’m sorry.” It’s ok to cry.

Cancer is often a long and difficult journey. On some days, your friend may feel positive and strong, and on other days they may feel overwhelmed. On these days, tell them, “It’s ok to not be ok.” Give them permission to feel whatever they are feeling. Validate their feelings by saying, for example, “You have every right to be sad and angry. This isn’t fair, but we’ll get through this together.”

visiting a child with cancer

What not to say:

Never assume age or gender, just because of a patient’s size or lack of hair. CHOC treats a variety of ages here, from babies all the way up to young adults.

Don’t ask how long they’ve been here or when they get to go home. They might not know the answer, which can be frustrating.

Avoid asking how school is going. This may only remind them they are missing out on time with friends, and isolated in the hospital.

Although some patients enjoy ordering food delivered straight to their rooms, avoid asking questions about food because some patients have restrictive diets. Others might be nauseous from chemotherapy treatment, and some may not be able to eat regular food that day if they are about to have a procedure.

Visitors can be great motivation for patients to get out of bed. However, don’t assume they can get up and walk around. Instead of asking, “Hey, do you want to go walk to the playroom or catch Turtle Talk?” you can say, “We can take a wheelchair, or if you feel like getting up we can try that,” and let the patient be the one to tell you that they can walk.

You care a lot about the person you are visiting in the hospital, so it’s natural to want to ask how they are doing when you walk into their room. Instead, say “Hey, it’s so good to see you!” to avoid sparking any feelings of sadness if they aren’t feeling their best that day.

Look to the patient for conversation cues. Don’t ask a lot of questions about their treatment plan unless they offer up that information. Patients spend a lot of time every day talking to their care team about their treatment plan and how they are feeling, so they may not want to talk about it again with you. It is, however, ok to ask them if they want to talk about how they’re feeling or their treatment plan, and give them the freedom to say no.

Never use the phrase “at least.” You may be trying to bring positivity to a sad and scary situation, but do not say “I know cancer is bad, but at least it’s not (insert any other condition or treatment setback here).”

Do not compare your own experience with cancer to theirs. Every cancer journey is unique, and patients aren’t receptive to hearing “I understand.”

Avoid using blanket statements such as “You’re my hero” or “You’re so strong.” Instead, tell them why they are strong, and what characteristics you see in them.

What to bring:

Bring an activity that you can do with your friend or loved one. Art projects, puzzles, crossword of the day, and board games are all great options.

Supplies to decorate their room is always a welcome surprise. This can also include cozy pajamas, slippers, twin sheets and cozy blankets.

Before bringing food, check with the patient’s parents or legal guardians. Some smells may bother them or they might not be eating typical food that day due to an upcoming procedure. They might not want food then but may want snacks to keep in their rooms.

All rooms have DVD players and Xbox consoles. Patients can checkout movies and video games from the Family Resource Center or the child life department, but bringing them a fresh stash of entertainment can be a thoughtful gesture. Mini speakers are another way that you can help patients relax by listening to their favorite music.

The CHOC Children’s gift shop, located on the second floor of the Bill Holmes Tower, offers a variety of games, books, arts and crafts, stuffed animals, toys, mylar balloons and more. Loved ones can call 714-509-8668 to place an order over the phone and arrange for it to be delivered straight to a patient’s room.

Don’t forget about the parents! Although care teams and social services at CHOC Children’s stress the importance of self-care for parents, having a hospitalized child often means that moms and dads forget about their own needs. Parents also appreciate things for their room to help them feel comfortable: cozy pillows and blankets, books and magazines, nice shampoo and conditioner all go a long way. Some families like aromatherapy as well.

visiting a child with cancer

Sometimes, our patients and families are just not up for visitors, but they would still appreciate your thoughtfulness. Be ok with dropping something off in the first-floor lobby and not feeling entitled to a visit. This shows that you are respectful of their space while they’re healing. Gift cards for gas, groceries, and local restaurants around the hospital are always appreciated. If you’re not local (and check with the family first), you can also order meal from a nearby restaurant to be delivered that they can pick it up in the first-floor lobby. CHOC’s Area Resource Guide provides information on nearby restaurants.

What not to bring:

Flowers are a beautiful and thoughtful gesture, but due to the bacteria that grows in soil, oncology patients are not permitted to receive flowers.

Download a copy of this guide

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Dr. Jamie Frediani joins Hyundai Cancer Institute at CHOC Children’s

Pediatric hematologist/oncologist Dr. Jamie Frediani has joined the growing team of innovative specialists at the Hyundai Cancer Institute at CHOC Children’s. Dr. Frediani looks forward to further advancing CHOC’s leukemia and lymphoma programs, as well as the adolescent and young adult cancer program.

“The Hyundai Cancer Institute is experiencing an exciting time of immense growth, including creating new ways of delivering exceptional patient care, developing new treatments, expanding patient outreach and education, and enriching existing treatment teams,” says Dr. Frediani. “I am thrilled to be a part of this growth, and honored to join such a supportive team of experts.”

Dr. Jamie Frediani
Pediatric hematologist/oncologist Dr. Jamie Frediani has joined the growing team of innovative specialists at the Hyundai Cancer Institute at CHOC Children’s.

After graduating with high honors from University of California, Davis with a bachelor’s degree in microbiology, Dr. Frediani completed medical school at University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center.  Her residency and fellowship training were done at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and Children’s Hospital Los Angeles (CHLA), respectively. Throughout her education and training, she assumed numerous leadership roles.  Most recently, she was chief fellow of the department of hematology/oncology at CHLA.

Dr. Frediani has participated in numerous research studies, including working with clinicians at St. Jude Children’s Research Institute in Memphis, Tennessee. She has published in Molecular Cancer, Archives of disease in childhood and Pediatric blood and cancer.

Dedicated to patient-and-family-centered care, Dr. Frediani was inspired to become a pediatric hematologist/oncologist after volunteering in the child life department of a local hospital.  There, in the hospital’s oncology floor, she witnessed the amazing resilience of these patients and the unique relationship between the physicians and their patients and families.

“No matter how many other specialties I found alluring or interesting, my heart always lead me back to oncology.  In addition to how rapidly the science behind oncology treatment is changing, keeping the field constantly new and interesting, I find our patients a source of strength and inspiration.  I absolutely can’t imagine practicing any other specialty,” says Dr. Frediani.

Dr. Frediani’s philosophy of care is based on a multidisciplinary, collaborative and cooperative team approach. “A diagnosis of pediatric cancer affects the patient – physically, emotionally and mentally, as well as the entire family.  You can’t just address the medical treatment without accounting for the family’s spiritual beliefs, culture and family dynamics,” explains Dr. Frediani. “I want to empower our patients and families to make the best decisions for them, through the lenses they use to relate to the world. Most importantly, I want our patients to experience as much of a normal childhood as possible, in spite of the challenges of treatment.”

Learn more about the Hyundai Cancer Institute at CHOC Children's

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Not Fighting Cancer Alone: Sydney’s Story

By Sydney Sigafus, cancer warrior and CHOC Children’s patient

As a teenager and an athlete, my life revolves around sports. As a sophomore at Foothill High School, I’m one of the sports anchors for our school newscast. I’m also a member of the JV girls’ basketball team, which has always been like a second family to me.

childhood cancer
Before fighting cancer, Sydney was a member of her school’s JV girls’ basketball team.

During last year’s summer league season, I started to have pains on the right side of my back. I thought I had simply pulled a muscle, so I told my mom about it. Off we went to the pediatrician, who sent us to get an MRI. We were referred to Dr. Nader Nassif, an orthopedic surgeon who sees patients at CHOC. He saw a spot on my upper femur that was small at the time, but that he wanted to keep an eye on. He said it could be a number of things— one of those being cancer— but he didn’t initially think that that’s what it was because of where the spot was on my bone and what it looked like. He told us to come back in three months for more scans.

By our next appointment, the spot had grown by a few millimeters, so we did a biopsy, which is a test that’s performed to examine tissue or cells from a certain part of the body. That test showed that the spot on my femur was cancerous. Dr. Nassif was surprised, since most teens with Ewing’s sarcoma have it in the knees and it grows very quickly, but mine was near my hip and grew very slowly.

Meeting my care team at CHOC

Dr. Nassif told my family that we were going to be working with Dr. Elyssa Rubin, a pediatric oncologist and director of the bone and soft tissue sarcoma treatment program at CHOC. I learned quickly that Dr. Rubin is not only your doctor but also your friend. She would come into my room and not only ask me how I was feeling, but she wanted to know if I was able to see my friends that weekend, if I had made it to the basketball game at school, or if I had seen the latest movie that just came out. I always felt like she cared about me not just as a patient, but as a person. She laid out the game plan very clearly for me and my parents and answered all the questions we had (and some that we asked over and over again). My treatment plan called for six rounds of chemotherapy before surgery and eight rounds after.

childhood cancer
“I learned quickly that Dr. Rubin is not only your doctor but also your friend,” Sydney says. “I always felt like she cared about me not just as a patient, but as a person.”

I was lucky to have the very best nurses. They were amazing throughout my entire journey. It stinks to have nausea or not be able to do something with my friends because my counts were down, or even be able go to school — but my nurses, especially my nurse practitioners Liz Torok and Jody Pathare, have made something that seems so tough, a lot easier.

Physical therapy has played a big role in my life after surgery. My physical therapist Robin Beauregard is a two-time Olympic medalist, so as an athlete, she helps me connect with my treatment. She’s no-nonsense and very witty like me, and it makes me really look forward to physical therapy sessions.

childhood cancer
Thanks to having an Olympic medal winner on her care team, Sydney was able to look forward to physical therapy sessions.

Another group that has made my journey so great has been the child life team. I can’t say enough good things about them, especially Kara, the child life specialist who works with adolescent and young adult patients. She heard I loved sports, and on day one of treatment, she brought me a huge basket filled with swag from my favorite sports teams and even a basketball hoop for my room. I assumed it was a one-time thing, but she has come to visit me every single time I’ve been at CHOC for treatment. She even came into the operating room with me when I needed an epidural for my surgery because I was scared and my parents couldn’t come into the OR with me. It was hard for my parents to be in the waiting room while I was in the OR, but knowing that I had Kara by my side made them feel so much better. During surgery, my tumor was removed and a prosthesis was put in for my upper femur. After finishing eight more rounds of chemotherapy after surgery, my scans confirmed that I was cancer free!

childhood cancer
During her treatment, Sydney quickly bonded with Kara, the child life specialist who works with adolescent and young adult patients.

Every single person I’ve met at CHOC has been amazing — especially the woman who cleaned my room. She called me princess!

Making the hospital feel like home

Not only has child life supported me on my journey, but they’ve also helped make the hospital feel less like a hospital. This goes beyond bringing an Xbox to your room to take your mind off your treatment. It starts with the way CHOC looks  can you imagine receiving treatment in a place that just had white walls and a white floor? CHOC is the opposite. It’s colorful. It has gardens you can go outside and sit in. There are playrooms everywhere. There’s a lounge that’s just for teens. I’m not musical or artistic, but for the patients that are, they’ll bring you instruments and introduce you to a music therapist, or bring you drawing and painting supplies.

Finding support in unexpected places

When I started this journey, I felt so alone. What are the chances I would know another teenager that is going through this? I soon realized that I did have someone who understood what I was going through, someone that I looked up to even before I was diagnosed with cancer. When I was a freshman, there was a senior at my school who was fighting osteosarcoma (a type of bone cancer) in her knee. Claire was an athlete like me before she was diagnosed with cancer. Our school recognized her as Homecoming Queen during her treatment, and I remember watching her use crutches during the ceremony where she received her crown. At the time, I thought she was so amazing, and I was really moved by her story. Six months later I received my own diagnosis. Claire immediately reached out to me, met me at the hospital and has been offering me nonstop support ever since.

Another pleasant surprise was getting to meet the doctor who delivered me 15 years ago! Dr. Gigi Kroll is a member of the CHOC Children’s Foundation Board of Directors, and I got to meet her at a fundraising event for the Hyundai Cancer Institute at CHOC. My mom had a complicated delivery when I was born, and I’d heard a lot growing up about how wonderful her doctor had been. It was so cool to meet her in person, and nice to know that she’s part of making CHOC the amazing hospital it is today.

Choosing to be positive

I’ve always been a happy and positive person, but I’m also realistic. Of course there’s going to be times on this journey when you’re sad, because who doesn’t get upset about cancer? But I’ve learned that if you’re sad, it’s going to make a bad situation ten times worse.

Even with all the support around you, it’s important to realize that there is only so much other people can do for you. There comes a point where you have to do things for yourself and choose to be positive.

childhood cancer
Red Nose Docs were a welcome distraction and source of positivity during Sydney’s treatment.

I try to be positive all the time. I have a great support system, which includes my family, my friends, my doctors, my nurses and child life.

On the day of my surgery, I set a goal to be able to walk back into school for the start of my junior year. A few weeks ago, I accomplished that goal! I’m starting to think about colleges, and I’m looking to study kinesiology. I want to become a pediatric physical therapist and an athletic trainer.

I’ve learned a lot from this journey. My family and I have been incredibly blessed by my care team and other families who have taken us under their wing, and I want to repay them by doing whatever I can to help motivate other patients who may be struggling to stay positive.

Learn more about the Hyundai Cancer Institute at CHOC Children's

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How a Bone Marrow Transplant Changed My Life

Every three minutes, someone is diagnosed with a blood cancer, like leukemia or lymphoma. As many as seventy percent of these patients don’t have a compatible match in their family, and must hope to find an unrelated donor. You can help these patients increase their odds by joining the Be The Match Registry®, an international registry of potential matches for those seeking a bone marrow transplant. Today, meet six CHOC Children’s patients who have benefited from a bone marrow transplant.

Diego, age 23

I was diagnosed with pre-B Cell acute lymphoblastic leukemia on January 11th, 2009. Thankfully, I landed in a great hospital that quickly gave me hope and strength to fight. Everything was going perfect. I received one year of intense chemo and about two years of remission chemo. Unfortunately, I relapsed one month before finishing my treatment. I hated the fact that I’d have to start from zero with a whole new treatment that included radiation. I relapsed a second time a few months after receiving radiation. I would see and meet other patients who were diagnosed and finished with treatment in only a couple months. When I talked to my doctor about what the next step was, I was happy because I would be receiving the same treatment as the other patients – I would be receiving a bone marrow transplant. Even though it is a quicker treatment, it is also tougher. The first step was finding a matching donor.

I was very lucky that I found a donor in my family; my sister was a 100 percent match! Finding a donor that matches 100 percent means that your risk of side effects is lower. It was just before Christmas that we got news of the match, so on Christmas Day I gave her a card asking for one more gift – if she could be my bone marrow donor. That Christmas, the whole family cried tears of happiness.

bone marrow transplant

Tori, age 21

I have been a patient at CHOC since I was 19, when I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. After my first round of chemo, my doctors determined that receiving a bone marrow transplant would give me the best chance for remission and lessen the chance for relapse. With three possible matches found on the registry, the first person my doctors called backed out. The second person they called said yes but unfortunately the hospital they went to have tests done at made a mistake on a time-sensitive lab that would have to be redone. My doctor didn’t want me to have to wait any longer to undergo a treatment that could possibly save my life. On April 12, 2016, I received a bone marrow transplant with my dad as my donor. I have been in remission ever since!

bone marrow transplant

Aric, age 25

My bone marrow transplant was on April 14, 2017 as part of leukemia treatment. It was kind of difficult, but I was always positive and kept busy by reading, playing video games, and watching my favorite Netflix show, Stranger Things. My family would come over to play games and bring me fresh clothes. My friends would come over and chill with me, bringing things I needed to make me forget about being in the hospital. They also brought my TV from home so I could play my Xbox better. The first month hit me hard with fevers and vomiting, and it’s weird to say, but I got used to that. Now, I have passed the 100-day mark and I’m so happy and I feel better. I just need to follow my doctors’ orders and I will be okay.

bone marrow transplant

Aileen, age 22

I got diagnosed with sickle cell anemia shortly after birth. For years, I was in and out of the hospital due to my pain crises and other health-related problems. Over time all the complications built up and my bones and organs started getting damaged due to excessive amounts of medications, narcotics and blood transfusions. The doctors told me as I grew older that I would have more complications. When I turned 18, they insisted I get a bone marrow transplant. At first, I didn’t want one because I was afraid of chemo and all the obstacles it would bring. As time went on, my health got worse and my pain crises were more frequent. I would be hospitalized for weeks at a time and then once I got discharged, I’d only be home for maybe a week or two before I had to be admitted again. Once I turned 20, I made the decision to go through the transplant process. I was lucky enough that my brother turned out to be my perfect match. On August 26, 2015, I received my brother’s bone marrow. I am now cured and am happier and healthier than ever. I have not had a pain crisis since! Getting my bone marrow transplant was the best decision I’ve ever made!

bone marrow transplant

Ralph, age 24

I am a two-time cancer survivor and bone marrow transplant recipient. I was diagnosed with testicular cancer at age 14, and relapsed with secondary acute myeloid leukemia at age 19. As soon as my treatment began I was told I was going to need a bone marrow transplant. The bone marrow I received came from the umbilical cord blood of two different European children, not from a single donor’s bone marrow. This experience has taught me that even though the donation pool is great and diverse, there is still more we can be doing to help save lives, not only domestically but also overseas.

bone marrow transplant

Kamron, age 20

My bone marrow donor saved my life! I’ve been in remission ever since I received my donor’s bone marrow. I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma at 17 years old and kept relapsing post-treatment. It wasn’t until I was transplanted with a new bone marrow that I’ve been in remission the longest. Please register today and you could help save someone’s life!

Learn more about the Blood and Marrow Transplant Program at CHOC Children's

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